Media

When I became conscious that the media I expect myself to consume, so often consumes me instead,

It still was not enough to make me stop watching it.

I realized how many hours over the week I have lost to a scroll with glittering stories–the vast majority of them curated deceptively.

It never fails to cause me to be insecure when I compare the worst parts of my life to another’s best.

It is unfortunate that it is so easy to do this.

When I am not selective about what media I consume and I only swallow each and every glob of flashing entertainment that I come across…

Sometimes it makes me think:

“Have a little self-respect,

you whore.”

Stupid

I used to have a habit of saying, “I’m stupid.”

I didn’t always mean it. I usually said it just after figuring out the right answer and recognizing my mistake. “Shoot, I should have known,” is a common expression.

But why? Why should I have known? And even if I did know better…

Big deal.

It’s too late now. I can only just handle my reaction to the mistake and how I will deal with it in the future.

It can sting a little to be forced to fix something you are responsible for messing up; something you feel like you could have dealt with better in the first place.

But here’s a thought: if it isn’t uncomfortable in some way, there is no growth. If there is no growth, there is no presence of learning.

My old boss used to say, “You’re not stupid.”

He would make a point to disagree with me every time I got down on myself, and though it didn’t seem like it meant much at the time, I came away profoundly affected by this attitude. Years later I can still hear him, “You’re not stupid. You’re learning.”

If you don’t make it a point to be open-minded, you will not learn. You will only allow the information that lines up with your existing biases to reinforce your ideas. This applies to any material.

Learning is discipline. Learning is humbling. Learning is losing a little bit of the control that you perceived you had when you thought you knew something. Most of all, learning is necessary for adaptation and progression but since it is uncomfortable it is often undervalued and unsought.

If you let it, life will keep teaching you until the day you die.

It doesn’t mean you’re stupid if you don’t already know what you will be taught. That’s unreasonable.

Don’t be afraid to not know.

Don’t be afraid to learn.

Proverbs 1:5

Proverbs 18:15

Space

Hey.

Give yourself some space.

Not just space to think and be.

I mean give yourself a distinct atmosphere.

To grow, a plant must have an appropriate space. To grow, a plant needs enough room in the soil, a maintained temperature, sufficient H20, and carbon dioxide in the air so that the chlorophyll can activate and photosynthesis can occur. The point is that in order for the plant to become something, it needs something to happen to it.

Growth.

Someone has said we are but plants with complicated emotions. I beg to differ; I look nothing like this:

Basically, the point I try to make is that input comes before output; I need something to happen to me in order for me to have a reaction to it. Cause and effect.

In order to bear a resemblance to something, I need to allow myself to be heavily influenced by it. You’d think that this would be an obvious given, but this can be ironically difficult.

See…

If I decide suddenly that I want to be a musician, but I don’t have frequent interaction with musical concepts or instruments, then how will I be able to come the next Mozart? I can try to cold compose my own stuff, but if I have never listened to a melody in my life, then surely I will not be able to compose a masterpiece on my first try. I need to cultivate a space around me that includes music. I need to attract music and make it a part of my life for it to affect me thoroughly.

What if I call myself a bodybuilder? Bodybuilders needs to have a meal plan, a workout routine, a sleep schedule, etc. to upkeep their physical forms. If I don’t invest any effort or time to learn what it takes to becomes a bodybuilder, I won’t make it very far.

Feel free to photoshop your face on this.

As a final example; if I call myself a Christian and then spend little to no time with Christ, how can I call myself His friend? If I claim the title of God’s child, yet I treat him like a stranger, there must be distance of some kind.

What do all of these examples have in common?

They are superficial. A profession of character without following through with actions suggests a reputation of insincerity.

So what?

Your life is made up of many building blocks; they can be representations of your time, your money, your energy, your skills, your experience, and many other things. You can arrange these blocks in whatever order you want in order to prioritize certain things.

Don’t be afraid to play with the blocks that are your life. Building a tower and then pushing it over can be fun and scary at the same time. Sometimes starting over is necessary in order to use the pieces for another project.

Where do we get our blocks from?

Where can we get more blocks?

What kind of wood are the blocks made from?

These are questions not within my grasp yet. Let me know if you have an answer.

Dungeon

I feel it when it is coming.

I descend into darkness;

My feet take me down a flight of stairs.

I find myself traveling in a dungeon,

Where there are fettered creatures from my past and my weaknesses, who torment me.

They call out to me, insulting me, frightening me.

They reach for my heart, to crush it.

Like a fragile egg, it crushes easily and the bright nectar of life drains from the cracks–

It gives and crumbles hollowly, stickily, as my vigor spatters on the floor, and the glow in my cheeks dims to a pale shadow.

My steps are heavy and hesitant, yet deliberate.

The despondency I feel does not reflect my true status,

For these dragons and monsters are of nightmares and not of real life.

They not are not permanent but somehow they do not seem to leave either.

Yet.

Even when my eyes are closed, Jesus walks beside me with his sword, fending off the rats that would otherwise claw their way up my legs to devour my flesh in small pieces.

Jesus gives me a thick shield and tells me that He will give me the strength to hold it

I am not very skilled yet with a sword, and drop it often.

I am learning.

Jesus protects me as we go.

He repairs my broken heart and refills it with the sacrifice of his own blood.

Generously.

We walk through the dungeon without pausing,

For it is not safe to rest here.

When I fall he does not fail to lift me again and again.

As I sense the light ahead, I begin to move faster;

My eyes rejoice at the sight of the sun.

Like released birds, we fly up the steps from the dungeon.

He sheathes His sword and takes the heavy shield from me so that I may run freely–

Joyously.

And even as I walk through the brightness of the day, He is with me.