Now

It seems that life is painful
And not really worth the hype
It just seems time passes quickly
(Forgive the stereotype)

It’s basically made up
Of times of work and play
Make money, then you spend it
(No– yes, really I’m okay)

There’s love and hate and sadness
And there’s others too, I guess
But no matter how you deal with it
Emotions are a mess

There’s seasons and there’s cycles
There’s good times and there’s bad
There’s ugliness and beauty
The enemy, the comrade

I don’t really understand
Why we are here at all
At some point or other
It all will be banal

It strikes me how short it is
I’ve never been so old
Time might as well keep speeding up
For it is uncontrolled

I’m not morbid or anxious
I don’t actively seek death
I’m not all together eager
To take in my last breath

But it becomes kind of obvious
How logical it would be
To not have to wait for my turn
If death would just take me

Now

Dear Moriah

Dear Moriah,

If you could have waited one day

One day

Perhaps you’d still be here
Perhaps we could have grown together
Faced things together
Been afraid together
And been brave together

I don’t mean to assume responsibility

Or to take undue blame

Or believe in the possibility
that I could have saved you
Like a hero

Because in the end

The very end

It seemed like your decision
To do what you did

But maybe it wasn’t

Maybe it was just the last act of a very desperate person

Or

Maybe it was
The decision of the desperation
Not of the desperate person

I was coming

Coming

I was coming to see you
And if you could have waited one day

It might not have been like this

If you could have waited

But you couldn’t

And I understand

Love, Sarah

Esteem

You don’t need self esteem

You need Jesus esteem

He can treat you better than you can treat yourself

And if you really loved yourself

You would give yourself over to Him

Label

For a while I thought
That having a label would make me happier
–would help me figure out the problems that I found within myself.
But actually,
I am happier just being me;
I need no label
To live how I am supposed to live–
To pursue Christ.
There is no label that would make me better,
Or happier,
Or more myself.
It is the living that makes me, me.
And the moment I stop living,
I stop being me.
There is nothing else I need force myself to do.
Really.
So,
I will do my very best
To just be me,
For that is what I was made to do.